I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
