I wanna bring you to show and tell
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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