Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Michael Bay diarrhea
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
