I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
