so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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