That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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