His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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