his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
