It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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