he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i need to put some appletini on your dick
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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