The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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