I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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