i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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