nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
