This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
