All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
