Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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