R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize