she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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