It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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