hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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