honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
