i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
