it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
