why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
