I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
