He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
