Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
