It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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