dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
