Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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