i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize