dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
