I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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