her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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