Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All I want is dick and wine.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
