sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
