cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
