Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
