Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found puke in my bra..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
