Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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