i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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