he shaved USA in his pubs
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
