i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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