my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
