Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
