yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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