I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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