guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
