So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
