It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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