hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
