I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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