maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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