I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
