Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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