so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
