believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
