You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
