why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
