**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
