i don't like sucking hair
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
