Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
