I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize