Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize