Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
