Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
