After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
