Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
