He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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