It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
