That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
