She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
